everything has went from bad
some days i swim in saltwater
others i bathe in restless repetitions,
and on the rest, i seal my eyes
in hopes of permanency.
things have went from bad
and the nausea has escalated into
disgust of food.
sometimes i think that i should not
be thinking as much as i am,
but then i am reminded
that the only voice that has never
strayed away from my side,
so i still sit by myself,
sometimes screaming sometimes
sometimes weeping sometimes
at my existence.
my breathing has went from routine to
i dont blame you, most of the time.
it wasnt your fault, was it?
i never told you
why that week was so cold,
i never fucking told you
why we talked so little
for the last two weeks.
i promised i would, later on, maybe
because i am crying again and cant
bear the thought
of keeping it in.
my life went from blessed and sort of okay
to a wreck with way too many shards exposed.
i made up my mind, now,
i hate you.
it made me laugh,
the way things fell down
at my feet,
after weeks of crying
and begging, and losses of sleep.
i found the promise you wanted me
to blurt out hilarious.
not only because you actually had the
speak so much shit while you were leaving,
but also because you could never
leave me the fuck alone,
even when you were leaving.
you ripped off the branches that i spent weeks
growing around you,
with the little stories about my head,
and the big stories about you,
and now mother nature has helped
mould me into my favourite plant,
to keep all out. the good and the bad.
im sure i hate you,
i just havent come up with a right
things have gone stale.
i hate you.
i want to sleep.